Writing shorter lead

Do our reporters write a long sentence as the crucial lead of a story? Do they consider other options to write the same details in smaller sentences?

Here is one example from a daily dated March 15, 2010

That there is no let-up in the anti-India campaign of Pakistan’s ISI has been established once again, with the two Mumbai youth allegedly working on a plot to attack Bhabha Atomic Research Centre, offshore installations of the Oil and National Gas Corporation and other targets in the city-fuel storage tanks, a shopping mall and a cloth market.

Should the following be easier to understand because the one-sentence lead has been split into four sentences?

There is no let-up in the anti-India campaign of Pakistan’s ISI. This has been established once again today when two Mumbai youth were found allegedly working on a plot to attack important installations in Mumbai. These included Bhabha Atomic Research Centre, offshore installations of the Oil and National Gas Corporation and other targets in the city-fuel storage tanks, a shopping mall and a cloth market.

Or, will the following be still easier to read and understand?

Two Mumbai youth were today arrested allegedly for plotting to attack important installations in the city. These included Bhabha Atomic Research Centre, offshore installations of the Oil and National Gas Corporation and other targets in the city-fuel storage tanks, a shopping mall and a cloth market.
This has once again established that Pakistan’s ISI has continued its anti-India campaign without any let up.

Comments

Popular Posts